Lessons
on LOVE and Boundaries
Personally?
I
don’t like ‘ism’s’, it’s not because of my professional training, because, yes,
we’re taught about judgments.
You may
automatically say, well I’m not, but think about it, we all make judgements,
just on seeing someone for the first time, for instance.
That is a natural fight or flight thing, does
this person say ‘danger’ to me?
Let
me make this quite clear, though, that if someone does say ‘danger’ to you, why
would you want to be around them?
This happens very often with narcissistic
people, it’s a form of control.
But,
in most of our lives we don’t live on the ‘front line’ so, we do make
judgements, depending on what we see, hear or witness.
Time
and time again, if I made a judgement about someone in my profession, I would
be proved wrong every time! So, we learn
not to, but that’s not to say on a ‘big trip’ you wouldn’t protect yourself by your
judgements, which may or may not be real, but that is, the immediate human
response of protection, when in an unknown situation.
But
isms are different, we’re not talking about the way you dress, walk, or talk,
these are damaging separations that are not respectful towards any group of
people. ‘All these people are ….’
Thing
is, they can be born from any views, learnt from our parents, family or who we
grew up with.
They
are sometimes classed as ‘introjections’
These
are things we believe to be true,
because we’ve been told it so many times,
but, and here’s the thing, they may not be true, but we still believe them?
That’s
because our parents, who we trust? told us it was true, or maybe things, we
picked up, overheard from the age of dot, putting 2 and 2 together and making
5, but reinforced to us over and over since we began!
I
guess you could say it’s a form of brainwashing? We believe our parents to be ‘right’ we want
to trust them, love them, believe them, and it can be so confusing, when
eventually, we realise they’re biased because of their own introjections, or
experiences.
Until
that is, we realise, well hang on they’re only human too? They could’ve got things wrong?
This
is not an isolated occurrence, no, because think about it, we’re all born to
different types of people, and you may not find out, who you really are, until much older when you feel justified as an
adult to say…
‘Well
actually, I don’t agree with that, but of course you’re entitled to your own
opinion, as I am too, as an individual’
When
we are adult, we’re ‘allowed’ to make
our own choices, we’re not children anymore, do not have to ‘hide’ for any
reason. If anyone around you, makes you
hide anything, it is a real chance for you to grow, to work it out, I mean.
I
work with many people who, while doing the work, realise, that pandering to
others, is never going to end in a good way.
Gawde it’s such a wasted effort of time! Not only that, it holds back your whole life
because you don’t give yourself, the right to have your own opinion, even ‘be’
yourself, because you’re not standing up for it! And that will,
reflect across your whole life, stuck, blocked, frustrated and anxious.
I
see it all the time – How to grow from this?
Realise
AND admit, that yes, this is happening, yes, it is a real problem, and decide
to change it.
Put
down your own boundaries, this is allowed for me, by me, this is who I am, I’m
entitled to my own views as an adult, I’m presuming you’ll respect me as a
person? I accept we’re different.
As
human beings, we all share the same basic emotions, I’m telling you, anyone
pushing us to not be ourselves, doesn’t
care about us, they’re thinking of themselves.
End of, why would you bother with those that don’t mean you well?
This
is what’s known as ‘Conditional Love’ which, is an oxymoron, because love, real
love doesn’t have conditions, love is
unconditional and free.
Many
times, when we allow others to treat us that way, we are as much the problem as
they are! We’re enabling their behaviour.
We
are actively saying, ‘it’s okay to act like that’ Even when, we believe, they
shouldn’t?
We
are colluding with, and stopping them, and
ourselves, from changing for the better!
And
love doesn’t belong to any ‘group’ it belongs to every single human being, no
matter what race, creed, religion, age, and any other ism, it’s a human right.
It’s
our human right to respect ourselves enough, to not put up with conditional
behaviour from anyone!
Most
times when we feel unloved, is because we’re forgetting to love ourselves, and
not allowing others, to overstep our
boundaries, to affect our own chosen behavior. It’s okay everyone to their own, but don’t ever
‘settle’ in life, because someone says you should.
Because,
YOU need to be YOU unconditionally!
Like
LOVE – lets raise ourselves and spread the love, by not ‘settling’ by learning
how to add to it, it’s the greatest power known to man and womankind.
She is
also, an Artist, Musician, Author and Composer, multi-faceted as we all are.
Passionate about every aspect, of her work, attending supervision and
continual professional development to keep abreast of psychological therapies.
She aims to provide current, cutting edge growth, to reach those who need
it, when, they need it.
Offering
Counselling, 1 to 1 sessions, via face to face, skype and phone, Hypnotherapy,
group work, online workshops, music and books.
