Lessons on LOVE and Boundaries
I don’t like ‘ism’s’, it’s not because of my professional training, because, yes, we’re taught about judgments.
You may automatically say, well I’m not, but think about it, we all make judgements, just on seeing someone for the first time, for instance.
That is a natural fight or flight thing, does this person say ‘danger’ to me?
Let me make this quite clear, though, that if someone does say ‘danger’ to you, why would you want to be around them?
This happens very often with narcissistic people, it’s a form of control.
But, in most of our lives we don’t live on the ‘front line’ so, we do make judgements, depending on what we see, hear or witness.
Time and time again, if I made a judgement about someone in my profession, I would be proved wrong every time! So, we learn not to, but that’s not to say on a ‘big trip’ you wouldn’t protect yourself by your judgements, which may or may not be real, but that is, the immediate human response of protection, when in an unknown situation.
But isms are different, we’re not talking about the way you dress, walk, or talk, these are damaging separations that are not respectful towards any group of people. ‘All these people are ….’
Thing is, they can be born from any views, learnt from our parents, family or who we grew up with.
They are sometimes classed as ‘introjections’
These are things we believe to be true, because we’ve been told it so many times, but, and here’s the thing, they may not be true, but we still believe them?
That’s because our parents, who we trust? told us it was true, or maybe things, we picked up, overheard from the age of dot, putting 2 and 2 together and making 5, but reinforced to us over and over since we began!
I guess you could say it’s a form of brainwashing? We believe our parents to be ‘right’ we want to trust them, love them, believe them, and it can be so confusing, when eventually, we realise they’re biased because of their own introjections, or experiences.
Until that is, we realise, well hang on they’re only human too? They could’ve got things wrong?
This is not an isolated occurrence, no, because think about it, we’re all born to different types of people, and you may not find out, who you really are, until much older when you feel justified as an adult to say…
‘Well actually, I don’t agree with that, but of course you’re entitled to your own opinion, as I am too, as an individual’
When we are adult, we’re ‘allowed’ to make our own choices, we’re not children anymore, do not have to ‘hide’ for any reason. If anyone around you, makes you hide anything, it is a real chance for you to grow, to work it out, I mean.
I work with many people who, while doing the work, realise, that pandering to others, is never going to end in a good way. Gawde it’s such a wasted effort of time! Not only that, it holds back your whole life because you don’t give yourself, the right to have your own opinion, even ‘be’ yourself, because you’re not standing up for it! And that will, reflect across your whole life, stuck, blocked, frustrated and anxious.
I see it all the time – How to grow from this?
Realise AND admit, that yes, this is happening, yes, it is a real problem, and decide to change it.
Put down your own boundaries, this is allowed for me, by me, this is who I am, I’m entitled to my own views as an adult, I’m presuming you’ll respect me as a person? I accept we’re different.
As human beings, we all share the same basic emotions, I’m telling you, anyone pushing us to not be ourselves, doesn’t care about us, they’re thinking of themselves. End of, why would you bother with those that don’t mean you well?
This is what’s known as ‘Conditional Love’ which, is an oxymoron, because love, real love doesn’t have conditions, love is unconditional and free.
Many times, when we allow others to treat us that way, we are as much the problem as they are! We’re enabling their behaviour.
We are actively saying, ‘it’s okay to act like that’ Even when, we believe, they shouldn’t?
We are colluding with, and stopping them, and ourselves, from changing for the better!
And love doesn’t belong to any ‘group’ it belongs to every single human being, no matter what race, creed, religion, age, and any other ism, it’s a human right.
It’s our human right to respect ourselves enough, to not put up with conditional behaviour from anyone!
Most times when we feel unloved, is because we’re forgetting to love ourselves, and not allowing others, to overstep our boundaries, to affect our own chosen behavior. It’s okay everyone to their own, but don’t ever ‘settle’ in life, because someone says you should.
Because, YOU need to be YOU unconditionally!
Like LOVE – lets raise ourselves and spread the love, by not ‘settling’ by learning how to add to it, it’s the greatest power known to man and womankind.
She is also, an Artist, Musician, Author and Composer, multi-faceted as we all are. Passionate about every aspect, of her work, attending supervision and continual professional development to keep abreast of psychological therapies. She aims to provide current, cutting edge growth, to reach those who need it, when, they need it.
Offering Counselling, 1 to 1 sessions, via face to face, skype and phone, Hypnotherapy, group work, online workshops, music and books.