Keeping the doors open to good stuff

You know that feeling, when you retract, when you get scared? You feel it in your stomach, like a fight or flight feeling?  When you feel vulnerable, lost, alone? It makes you feel smaller, in your energy, what your putting out.

Then all the doors close shut.  Whatever energy has been flowing out of you, halts.  Your energy, world and directions all become closed and tightened, like you've locked the doors, drawn up the portcullis and no-one can reach in to you.

You may know you're doing this, because you WILL feel it.  It can be a feeling of hopelessness, and a complete letting go of everything.  In some cases that can be useful, because your fears show you what it is you need to be face?

Cos lets face it, unless you face your fears, they will always be there?  How can you know how to deal with them if you don't look at them?  Our stomachs are our emotional centres, so 'her stomach dropped' is an expression of this, we physically feel our emotions, good or not so good.

In fact our true deep down emotions control our health, our mind has a great part in regulating our body.  If you've got stuff going on, for goodness sake let it out! Emotion is meant to be felt, not bottled up to explode one day with the straw that broke the camels back because it couldn't take any more.

We live in a supposed 'civilisation'? that doesn't seem to recognise that yes, its okay to ask for help, it's actually courageous, in the UK we see it as weak, someone with mental health issues, yes well we are all human, and not machines!

And how strange that if your in the USA everyone has 'therapy' in fact, it is almost a status symbol?

'Oh, what? you mean you don't have a therapist?'  

Everyone has one, it's completely normal, no-one sees it as a knock on yourself personally, or 'oh she couldn't cope, poor thing' Why and when are we going to realise that, yes, we all need help sometimes, that is what facing our fears is about, is it not?

We may get a therapist like Tracy Ullman in Ali Mcbeal, who suggests a 'theme song' ha! no I'm not suggesting that, and no, that's not part of my therapy,  but, if it helps why not?  Cos everyone is different, everyone is unique, and reacts to different things. 

That is why, you cannot speak about a whole nation of 'mental health' needs and stereotype them all in one bag.  These are people we're talking about, and I love the way others teach you so much, if your willing to learn, of course.  Me, I learn from so many different people, because everyone you come across has their own story, their own wonderful, amazing strength, wisdom and teaching.

And that is why, you have to open the doors, and 'feel' in life, in therapy, and even as a therapist.  None of it follows the norm, none of it does what it says on the box, none of it makes any sense sometimes!  But, we as humans, are all the same in that we, carry on with whatever does it for us, whatever drives us, no matter how difficult and seemingly impossible sometimes.

Sorting out what we don't want, thinking and focusing on what we do want, opening the doors for good things to flow freely in. 

Sometimes, we just have to let go, not hold on too tightly, allow ourselves to just be.  To be unsure,

to be vulnerable, to listen, to learn, to express emotion.  In all it's colours, textures and combinations.

 

And after you've expressed how you feel, no matter what, be kind to yourself, give to yourself, be gentle and respectful and allow yourself some self care, some love, even a cup of warm soothing tea


Because we are human, divine, miraculous, impossibly resilient and courageous - most of the time we do it all with a smile on our face and hopefully, passion in our hearts, what else is there? 


But it's realising that we are all these things, that is something huge to be grateful for, as in Ian Dury's hit 'Reasons to be cheerful part three' okay I do have theme songs, or more rather, songs that play through my head but are ever changing.


I told you we're all different.  Never be scared to show that your human, because that's what we all are.




Who am I?  I'm Sally Hope Woodroffe a Professional, Registered Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Artist, Musician, Singer Songwriter, prolific creative woman hopefully creating a better world in many ways.  You can join me at www.absolutelyfabulousminds.com or email at sally@absolutelyfabulousminds.com and subscribe here to receive various goodies and competitions!

Do you relate to this?

There’s something important I need to say, about me, but, I have to say it because it may be about you too.  If your anything like me, then you will feel this sometimes.

I was always a shy kid, didn’t make friends easily, I was always friendly, but, making friends didn’t happen naturally like it did for others?  My friends at school were all the kids that no-one wanted to be friends with, multi-cultural kids or the quiet thinking book worm ones.

I wasn’t shouty, dramatist, uniquely clever or dull – just going through the motions, hating all sport!  I loved books, but in school, ‘War of the Roses’ at 9? Seriously?  I always felt I was the observer, watching everything play out around me.  I guess I was quite serious and thoughtful; like I was born adult.

Forward 50 years, still the same! I can see now, why I’m good at listening, why I have the patience, others wouldn’t have, why I can give my undivided attention to someone 100% - that comes easy to me, in fact I’ve been doing it all my life as the listener.

Here’s where it gets difficult, they say in marketing, to be yourself, which is kind of missing the first hurdle? Because I’m not talky talky, I’m more listen y listen y and I’m saying this, cos you may feel it too.  In every group there’s the mad one, the crazy one, the serious one, the drama queen, the feeling one, and the quiet one.

That’s not to say I don’t have a wicked sense of humor, I love laughing, and, if I can say so myself, be very funny as my ‘timing’ is usually perfect, it’s the ‘way’ you tell ‘em!  I was born expressing, music, lyrics, singing, writing, feeling, growing.

And that’s all I can be, myself, that’s all I want to be, myself, the deep thinker, the philosopher, the woman who paints ‘whatever’ with her heart, creates whatever, with all she has, puts into each and everything the best she can. 

I don’t believe in doing anything half measures, I have a strict ‘observer’ observing me, I’m the one who can replay conversations days later, untangling them almost like I have a replay button! Yeah I know weird right? But true.  I work at seeing links that stick in my mind, that tease me, so that I have to gently approach them and, while they’re not looking, cajole them out, like a kitten hiding under the step, to bring them out, to untangle them, look at them.

Then they show themselves, and eureka it’s a breakthrough, a moment of realization, that you cannot ‘put off’ otherwise it will fly away, if you do.  No, you have to take the tail now! And run with it, that is the only way of catching it

I guess that’s one of my failings, attempting to re-create the wheel, but it has to be worth doing well in my life, otherwise I don’t see the point.  So, yeah sometimes I feel like the dreamer, but that’s who I am.   In a medieval world I would be the astrologer, the philosopher, and the bard – either that or I’d be living on a hilltop.  Some things never change?   

I’ve connected spiritually in many ways.  It’s that question, if your listening to your mind, who is it that is answering?   That’s not to say, I’d tell you, well you may as well leave him now, because it’s your journey not mine, and you cannot ‘force’ others to grow. Their journey should be their own.

I guess I see using these ‘gifts’ like being told truths, without having to experience it? It won’t mean anything, like taking mind altering drugs to open neural pathways, you’re really not prepared for.

Yes of course this is about me, but I felt it was important, because some of you would really relate to it…

Some thinker musings…

Who am I?  I'm Sally Hope Woodroffe a Professional, Registered Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Artist, Musician, Singer Songwriter, prolific creative woman hopefully creating a better world in many ways.  You can join me at www.absolutelyfabulousminds.com or email at sally@absolutelyfabulousminds.com and subscribe here to receive various goodies and competitions! 

Of Course I don't have mental health issues, do I ?

It is the hoax of the century isn't it?  Lets define 'Mental Health issues' shall we?

The definition of the term 'Mental Health' from the Oxford Dictionary is:

   'A person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being: all this pressure seems to be affecting his mental health'

Oh, so that means, as long as were not under any pressure, our emotional well being will be okay?

Hello, earth to whoever's out there - um but, we're human?  So, to re-cap, we'll be okay if we don't have any relationships, children, jobs, unemployment, houses, money troubles, or any other nasty surprises!

I'm sorry I think I just walked into a parallel world or universe? well you'd have to, to eliminate all of that wouldn't you - the only thing you can think of, to be on that vibration, is to run away to a monastery and denounce everything in your life?

But you don't want to do that.  What I'm saying here is that the 'tag' of mental health affects us all, most of the time, obviously there are differing scales and degrees of it, as there are differing human beings, with different thoughts and uniqueness.

I've never particularly liked that 'tag' anyway, it just suggests we're completely mad, sorry but it does, I think because the word 'mental' is used? Dur could be? Could'nt it have been called 'Peaceful Health Issues'? that makes more sense to don't you think? Where would be the stigma if anyone threw that at you...

 'I think your suffering from 'peaceful health issues!!!'  

'Yeah so what' would be the reply...end of...I rest my case

It's a word that automatically makes you not want to have it, the stigma is there by saying I have mental health issues, is a bit like saying I have fleas or something equally as 'you shouldn't admit it', just saying it makes it all sound so much worse? It's stigma on top of stigma.

It's not like saying, 'well actually I feel a little down today' or 'don't know why but I feel a little lost at the moment' or 'I feel like crying today and I don't know why?'

These seem to be 'human tendencies' and it seems to be a present day malady, to have to pretend we're okay with all of our life, all the time, hell no there's no vulnerabilities here, of course not!  

I'm here to tell you on planet earth, it's okay, cos we're human, you can have an off day, you can be angry, you can cry if you feel like it, AND I'm never going to ever, ever 'tag' you with the 'mental health issues' term.  It de-humanises us doesn't it, a bit like the other term 'service user' that people in care homes have become. That to me is shocking.

So, where are you at, what peaceful health issues are you having at the moment?

And just so you know that we ALL get similar issues happening to us, none of us are 'let off' from feeling knackered from raising kids, from feeling emotional for so many reasons, for not knowing what our direction should be, or for doubting in ourselves and our worth, it's a hole we can fall into at any time unless we actually listen to our own voice of reason, which sometimes for obvious reasons, we don't.

You know it can just be, so complicated being a woman? with all those hormones kicking around every month? 

Yes, it can be a big deep puddled hole just like Dawn French in the Vicar of Dibley!

And if it's so deep that you're not sure you can pull yourself out of it, then that is why I am here for you.  Cos I've been there, done that and know how it feels, and I'm trained to help you gently put you, back together again.

Just you and me to re-build, put you back together again, for you to love your life once more, to feel joy in the morning, even with the occasional small dips - that is worth everything! That is what is called peaceful health.

To your wonderful peaceful health! 

Who am I?  I'm Sally Hope Woodroffe a Professional, Registered Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Artist, Musician, Singer Songwriter, prolific creative woman hopefully creating a better world in many ways.  You can join me at www.absolutelyfabulousminds.com or email at sally@absolutelyfabulousminds.com and subscribe here to receive various goodies and competitions! 

   

Do you have the best people around you?

Just to let you know about a new product - 'Cinderella To Princess' Intensive Self Development Course.  Its an 7 week online course, and letting you know there's a competition up until 14th Feb, to give a FREE 10 copies in return for your testimonials, all you have to do is subscribe on my site, then send me an email saying 'I'm in'  - check out all the details on the Cinderella To Princess page ! yaaayyhooo  Yes, I'm offering it to my subscribers first! It's about Self Worth, a biggy subject for women.


What's this got to do with the title, well everything really.  We all know the story of Cinders, being like a slave to the ugly sisters, and putting up with it!


And sometimes you've only yourself to blame, eh, doing it in the first place, or just not having the best people around you.  I mean those who support you, who are rooting for you, who don't give you that uhh look when you talk about what your working on, even if it is out there! At least to give you a chance, to suspend judgement until you can surely say, well yes that was a crazy idea...


But you know what, wouldn't you rather go after crazy ideas than not?  Wouldn't you rather reach upwards in any direction and attempt to pull it off, give it the belief, even if you don't - and if this person is around you, personally I mean of course, don't you expect them to be around 'for' you.


That's not to say, you want 'yes' people around you on the contrary, be prepared to find the 'professionals' or even define them as wiser people than you, so you can learn what you need to learn, when you need to learn it. 


You don't want to stay still, you want to grow, expand, blossom into more of who you are, into the very best version of you. 


It's the difference between having 7 injections or immense pain in your teeth, and why would you want to invite pain if you don't need to suffer it?  Get the very best professionals around you, and they will look after you, why suffer?


I know some people just don't understand this online world?  There are those who you'll explain what your doing online or anywhere and they'll say, 'I don't understand a single word your saying!' lol - so then you revert to, small talk again.  That's okay, everyone to their own.


Maybe you just have to accept, that if you've found your tribe out there, and hell yes! they understand you, they're there for you and we help each other with what we need, don't you think that's absolutely awesome!




Who am I?  I'm Sally Hope Woodroffe a Professional, Registered Counsellor, Hypnotherapist, Artist, Musician, Singer Songwriter, prolific creative woman hopefully creating a better world in many ways.  You can join me at www.absolutelyfabulousminds.com or email at sally@absolutelyfabulousminds.com and subscribe here to receive various goodies and competitions!

When the suckies suck, Is this you?

So, its all going well, being focused on what I'm doing, nearly finished my online course intensive programme, complete with meditations and even music, when BAHM!!

You wake up the next day and the suckies have got you! Is this you?

No, this is not left just for those with depression, or any other ailment, believe it or not, it happens to all of us.  And most of us know, how to deal with it, some self care for instance, but when your feeling it, you don't want to think about that do you?

So, here's how it goes, you spend most of the morning washing your hair, find yourself on your phone, subscribed to two websites, because you wanted to watch a video, but don't feel like watching it now.  In fact, you never feel like watching a video?  Found a 'tool' to do voice typing so you don't have to watch it, you can read it instead:

1. Open browser

2. Open a new google doc. select tools select voice typing
3. 1st window start playing video

4. Click voice typing red button in other window

And your, putting this here, because you wrote all these tools down on a piece of paper, that inevitably will get used to light the fire later on, or in a pile of papers you'll find next year, and wonder where that went to.

Then, you look at the time, and you've wasted so much time, and you were supposed to be doing this, that, and the other? How can someone, from one day of being completely on the case, become tired, exhausted and unmotivated?

Then the next step is to start trolling through the jobs available list, cos there might just be one, suitable, along with what you're doing (no chance), and if there was, and you applied, they won't even acknowledge your application? what is that all about?  Are you old fashioned in wanting politeness ?

Then find yourself wondering what it would be like serving coffee's, imagining that, wow that sounds so easy! Then the needle scratches across the vinyl, which you wouldn't understand if born after 1980, and brings you back to reality.

And now, staring at the 3 most important tasks of yesterday, which you've done, but not focused on your 3 mit's today. You always put a ton of work into something, then, just as it's about to be officially launched, panic, focus on the fear, and think about a barista's job!

But you know, if your like me, you know that you do, what you do because:

a) You love it

b) You want to make a better world

c) You happen to be extremely good at what you do (and that's, what others say)

And you end up giving yourself a pep talk, cos, even those who know, what it is, when it happens, go through it and out the other side - here you are, and it doesn't matter how off track, you get, as long as you return, and carry on where you left off!  

And most of all believe in yourself - My word for 2016 - 'BELIEVE' - Yesterday I put together a video of a track, done a few years ago.  I'd actually forgotten about it, the name of the song is 'Believe' - so, just had to do something with it! 

It has some haunting fiddle playing from Martin Herbert, sadly, no longer with us, yes, he was a fine friend and musician and is missed.  Music always seems to touch an ethereal spiritual realm, to us, makes you remember, others 'lost' to us in our lives, yet, still very much alive, in our thoughts.

Art For Art's Sake

I've not commented about David Bowie departing this planet, I think that's because, I don't know what to feel.  Of course it's a great loss to us all, that's what people are expected to say right?  But the fact is, that when people depart, it only truly affects us, if they were in our lives.  

Because, those who have left, who were in my life, are the ones I miss the most.  Those in my family that not around me, I kind of have that, looking for them everywhere.  Because, that's the only place I've ever expected to see them, Oh that looked like my Dad in that car driving past, forgetting they had gone.  Maybe it's just my way of dealing with grieving for people, who I never had the option of getting to know further?  Making the mistake of thinking, they'd always be around. 

I think that's what it is with Bowie, I never imagined a life, without him.  Even though, of course I don't know him personally, but, I feel that when I did get to know him, it was such a critical time of my life...

Yes, I became a teenager in 1969.  What I remember about this time, is how creative, musical, anything goes music, clothes wise, fashion - it was like an explosion of colours, freedom and such an exciting time! The Beatles, The Stones, Led Zepplin, Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchel, David Bowie - these artists, and so many more pushed boundaries.  They were seemingly left alone, by the 'marketing department' to do what they do best, to present a vision, of what they felt, at that time.

Not a 'record company' 'x factor' re-modelling in sight! Until the 70's?  It just felt like they were 'allowed' or accepted, to do 'art for art's sake' - To be free as artists, musicians, and mix it all together - It's what pure creativity is all about.

So, that's where I come from, not bound by any restriction, creatively of course.  (As a counsellor obviously I have my ethics to follow) Do you feel, we've all become so 'led' um, possibly not a good word, cos there's nothing the matter with learning.  Okay maybe I mean restricted, proper, not allowed to flow as a human being.  Are you in a 'proper job' 9 to 5, something that you may hate doing, just waiting for the day to pass?  What a waste, you see death usually brings us back, to our own and others mortality. 

That, we ultimately have a responsibility, to use our time well, here?  Not to waste it, to be happy in what we're doing? Because what's the point, in leading, a miserable life?  There are those who just work, towards being pensioned off, to be able to do what they want, then very often, not even reaching it?  How can that be a way forward? Isn't that a waste?

You see its my upbringing, with mentors such as Bowie, that I've always felt a rebel towards 'normal'.  I don't see any of us as 'normal' what is 'normal' I don't think any of us know, the answer to that, so we're all trying to 'be' something, we can't even explain.

How about becoming yourself, opening the cage, stepping out, taking that great idea, and using it to build your own business, that you love doing? That's what I'm doing, I love counselling, what it gives to others, it opens so many cages, freeing you! It's amazing.  I also love creativity, art, and music, none of us, are just one thing, we all have a multitude of talents, at our disposal, that others, would absolutely love!  

Most of the time, we fail at the first post, business!  If your creative, yes, it's difficult to put a business head on, but, it is possible to learn.  And what better way to learn, than Leonie Dawson's workbook yearly planners.  That's what I'm using, and they're brilliant, colourful, supportive, leading you gently, the Double Your Business programme is brilliant!   I've also joined the Academy because the support of the mastermind is just fantastic when you need a little help, and you get all the programmes with it.

So, I'm posting this here for you, to take advantage of, yes it is an affiliate link, she also gives back to those in the academy and I think that's so cool - I would never recommend something I didn't believe in - so what are you waiting for!  There are only few stocks left, of the planners, it being January, but did you know that only 1% of people actually write down their goals and review them, and hey, it's no surprise, that those people, are in the top earners bracket!  

Get them while were still in January, while stocks last! and begin! Click For Workbook and planners 

And for all the support and training you could ever possible want!  Click for Leonie's Academy 

Other news:

* I'm also on the brink of bringing out my own workshop to accompany my book, with meditations, paintings, worksheets etc - It's called Cinderella to Princess ! Watch this space!

* This is also a great time, at the beginning of the year to take hold of your life and get some counselling therapy for those issues that you know are there, but really! come on, you need to deal with them!  There's absolutely nothing to lose, my assessments are free (takes about 10 minutes) completely without obligation.  But why not begin the year in a positive way!

Any questions, have a look here on my FAQ's page 

Till next time, wishing you a wonderful new year!

Sally

  

         

Does the thought of counselling bring up your fears ?

Does the thought of counselling bring up your fears?

Does it? Do you start thinking, what's it going to be like, how on earth can I explain it all, and not cry or get upset? or what's it going to be like talking to a stranger?  What if I don't feel like saying anything? What if I don't feel comfortable? or What if I get a panic attack? What do I have to do? How does it work? How will I be able to afford it?


There are so many fears that come into our heads and none of us are alone in this, but what are fears? they are the unknown.  With that in mind, I'm attempting here, to answer some of the questions, that may stop you from making the first appointment! So you may know, a little, of what to expect.  Hopefully this post address's some of those fears, but, if I don't mention one of the ones you have, then please comment and I will elaborate on that one.


How can you explain all the problems without getting upset?


The answer is, you probably will get upset, but, and the big but is, that maybe you need to express yourself by crying and letting it out.  It's okay, that is part of the healing sometimes, like a pressure cooker letting off steam.


Maybe the next question is, What! cry in front of a stranger?


Remember that counselling is a completely, non-judgemental space, yes it may make you vulnerable, but that is where, the most learning is achieved.  Talking it out to someone who is neutral, is so valuable because, we don't know each other personally, I cannot, counsel good friends because I wouldn't be able to be, non-judgemental. I did comment before, that you cannot connect via private message, but, I'm finding now it's a brilliant way of working.


What if I don't feel comfortable?


Well, that's why I do a FREE assessment over the phone, or Skype, to assess your situation and...
 
a) whether I feel able to help you with your issue, but also


b) To make sure, we both feel comfortable talking to each other.  Cos you never know, til you talk to someone, whether you can connect with them or not?  I do, understand about this, which is why, if you felt 'oh no I don't gel with this person', assessments are completely without obligation.  As a counsellor I know we all have, 'our own people' that we feel comfortable with.


But then, a big part of my training is to create a comfortable 'space' for you to feel as 'relaxed' in the situation as possible!  I do this by creating 'your' space, being focused on you 100%, using my training to help you realise blocks, or the way forward for you (there is always a way). Obviously, my training covers a lot more than this, It's about using my learnt 'tools' to bring out your perfect solutions for your life challenges.


How does it work?


Well, I've said a little about the 'space' in the previous answer.  There are different models of counselling.  I use mainly Person Centred Counselling, why do I love it? because it's so very gentle, and a master of counselling I believe, because it brings out your own answers within you, like brainstorming, but better than that, it works completely on what, and how you are, 'in the moment'.


It's founder Carl Rogers, imagined in the future, that schools would utilise counsellors to bring out the child's brilliance within.  It's making the 'child' the centre rather than the teacher, who is teaching the same syllabus they've always taught.  It gives a chance for us to evolve as human beings.  In this way, PCC can be utilised for absolutely any subject?  This, to me, the significance of it, is so, so, exciting, and why, it also works brilliantly as mentoring too.  PCC also works well with dream therapy too. The thing I love about PCC is it teaches the way, of solving your future problems too.


So PCC is my absolute favourite model, but, if need be, if it's beneficial for the client, I will use more directional models such as Cognitive Behavourial Therapy or CBT and Psychodynamic.



What is CBT? I find it can be harsher, It's more directional, utilising suggestions, ideas, exercises usually on paper or drawing, stones, buttons etc.  Which can work well too, and I do use it when I feel it is needed for that particular client.


Psychodynamic is useful in making links with childhood, re-occurring ones throughout life, which I find quite fascinating, again, when required I will utilise this one too.


What if I feel I don't want to say anything?


That is completely okay.  Is it wasting the session? Absolutely not, maybe you need the space to collect your thoughts? The session is 'your time' to be, talk, be quiet, to think, to express and it can put you on the right track.  First sessions are usually either quiet, emotional or a torrent of talking of the clients whole life! But, there is no expectation and no norm.  It is centred around you.


What do you have to do?


Just be yourself.


What happens if I get a panic attack?


We would have already gone through any medical issues or experiences in the assessment, so I'd know if that was an issue.  We would have already talked about how to deal with this, before the session.  I probably would suggest some grounding, and breathing to calm you.  I am a Hypnotherapist too, so I do understand anxiety issues, and what to do to alleviate them.  Of course I would have your doctors details and emergency number too if required. 


How will I be able to afford it?


As counsellors, we are fully aware of the lack of funding, out there for therapy, especially in the UK.  Organisations for particular issues, usually provide free counselling as do some clinics, in both cases, go and see your doctor to be referred.  Unfortunately, these options usually have lengthy waiting lists, because they are greatly needed, don't even get me started!


So yes, I do keep a few appointments reserved with concessionary prices.  If you find even that concessionary price difficult, then please do discuss price with me.  Your 'investment' in yourself, if it's a stretch, is also a declaration, you're investing in yourself, sometimes, you'll psychologically put more weight behind it working for you.


As I said before, if you have any further questions then please do ask in the comments below or you can always email me at: sally@absolutelyfabulousminds.com
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